It's been a long time

I know it's been a while. I really didn't have anything to blog about,but now I do. I found out a couple of weeks ago that I'm pregnant. Bob wanted me to go off of my meds, which I totally understand, so I did. It's been hard. My moods have fluctuated so much, I'm hardly sleeping (the most I get is 2 hours solid at a time) and it's just so frustrating! I have my first ob appt today with the nurse practitioner, so we'll see what she says. I need to find out when I can go back on my meds. I was thinking after the first trimester, that way all the baby's organs will be formed and such. We'll see.

Bob is on unemployment now. He's been taking the kids to the beach and yesterday they came home with some great finds! They brought home 2 large scallops with the meat still in them. The one kept opening and closing...it was real neat. The kids also found tons of sea glass....they are just so excited about that. I was hoping to go up there with them today but it's so windy. I'm thinking the beach will have to wait another day.

I know it's been a while

I know it's been a while since I last blogged. There really hasn't been anything going on. I've been feeling pretty good, thank goodness. My meds are the same, but I totally think the increase in abilify really did it. The only thing is, Dr. K wanted me to split the dose 15mg in the morning and 15mg at night, but I was just so tired during the day. I have decided to take the full dose at night, and I'm sure he'll be ok with that. I always have a pretty good feeling if you will about my meds.

Now, as for what happened a couple of months ago. I haven't blogged about it as I wasn't ready, but now I am. I was in the hospital for a few days. I was in such a depression, I actually didn't want to live anymore. Hubby didn't understand, but he knew I had to do this for myself. I went in, and with the increase in meds and all the group therapies, I was actually in a good place after being depressed for so long.

I am so good at hiding my feelings, and acting like everything is good all the time, when it really isn't, and not just for me, but nobody is happy and all that all the time. I had to realize I need to be realistic about my feelings and how my life is. I love my life. I have everything I ever wanted, a husband, home, children. I have many blessings and I just needed to realize that. I also realized I needed to get my priorities straight. That time in the hospital is just what I needed to get my life on track.

Until next time.

A crazy few weeks

I sunk into a really deep depression a few weeks ago and ended up in the hospital. Bob said he noticed a depression for the past few months, that I slowly lost interest in everything that matters in life. The thing is, I've been dealing with this for so long, I don't really I'm depressed until it's really bad. Makes sense to Dr. K. Needless to say, I wanted to die, to put it bluntly. I ended up signing myself into the hospital, as I didn't feel safe around myself. I couldn't trust myself to not do anything.

So, it was actually a good experience and I've learned a lot of different coping skills and positive things about myself. There were lots of group therapies throughout the day and they were very helpful.

I was happy to be home, the kids missed me so much, and I missed them. I was able to work on getting better without any distractions. They increased my abilify from 10mg to 15mg, which made me feel better, but still not close to 100%. Dr. K increased it to 30% and now I'm on top of my game, feeling about 95% better. I am where I need to be at the moment, and that's it, I live for the moment, and not worry about the future.

It's been a while

I know it's been a while since I posted. My moods have been all over the place, and my dr added seroquel to my cocktail to help me sleep at night. Bob has to work tomorrow and I have my therapy. I called a friend to sit with the kids in case he had to work late, and he said "why can't you just not go". He doesn't understand how important it is that i go to therapy. It's been a couple of weeks and then she is going on vacation for a couple of weeks. Ugh, it's hard when I don'thave the support I need in order to take care of my mental health. I wish things were different.

It

My sleep is ugh

I haven't been sleeping well at all. I'll go to bed and wake up 3 hours later wide awake for a couple of hours and then go back to sleep. I'll sleep for 2 hrs before waking up for the day...that equals about 5 hrs of broken sleep. Thankfully I go to Dr. K today so hopefully we can do something about it.

That's about all I've been dealing with lately. I'm keeping busy knitting and starting a knitting ministry at church. I'm working out all the details now and am excited about it.

Nothing New

I know it's been a little while. Not much going on here on the bipolar front. I had an off day yesterday, but nothing to write home about. We've been keeping busy this summer going to the beach and river. B is on his 3rd week with no work, but he's going to help his brother tomorrow. Matt is going with him and is so excited, he went right to bed. Anna wants to go, my little tomboy, but one is enough.

my show is coming on, so I'm going to sign off for the night.

Trying to get better

The depression came back, this time real quick. I called Dr. K right away and he increased my celexa. Hopefully I'll be back to myself soon. I really don't like this...I just want to be back to myself.

In other news, I was accepted into college, Georgian Court...although I'm just waiting to hear from federal aid or else I can't go...it's just way tooo expensive. I want to major in early childhood education with a minor in spanish. I just love spanish and want to back into it. It's really useful this day in age.

That's about all for now...until next time...Peace

Another med adjustment

So I had my pdoc appt today and we made more med adjustments. We both want to keep me from going back to where I was the last time I was there, which was a super sad state. So, my lamictal and abilify have been increased. I have seen a remarkable difference so far, which is good, so it can only get better from here.

Hubby took the kids to the beach today for the entire day, so it was a nice me day. I got the house clean, went foodshopping alone and just had some me time. I feel so refreshed right now. The kids are totally wiped out from being at the beach fronm 9am to 3pm, but that's a good thing. they'll sleep good tonight!!! :)

what can be next??

Dr. K increased my lamictal and I started feeling better nearly right away the next day. Things were looking up, until I went to pick my meds up at the pharmacy. Insurance wasn't covering my abilify. I panicked...getting home quickly to call the insurance company. We've maxed out the allowed rx benefit we receive each year..

I'm just in a panic. I don't know what to do. A two week supply will cost me $94. I can't find the medicaid denial letter, so applying for patient assistance is out of the question, unless I tear through my room and files tomorrow, and even so, that process takes a little while to complete.

I'm just so frustrated, it's not even funny. Sometimes I just want to go to sleep for a while...not sure how long, but a while. Just when I think things are looking up, something knocks me down. It literally makes me crazy

My New Blog

Yes, another blog. I've been meaning to start one to help me with my bipolar dealings. It started about 6 weeks ago, this latest bout with depression, progressively getting worse. This is the longest depression I've had in just so long. Normally I'm on the high end of my cycling. I can't stand the depression, as it affects my entire family. The only good thing that comes out of it is I'm pretty calm, not easily angered or frustrated. But, I'll take a mania any day...and my manias are manias...truly awesome. Who wouldn't want to feel that good??

Diagnosed at age 16, I now, at nearly 34, finally found the best therapist "S" and the best psychiatrist Dr.K, in the entire world. They both truly care about my well being and are there for me ,24/7.

In any case, this is a start. I want to blog every day, and I might blog some more later. It might help me sort things out. I know I want to write about some dreams I've had lately.